Mumbai. With Indian players appearing clueless in the ongoing test series against England, BCCI has decided to appoint “home tutors” for every Indian player who would teach them finer nuances of the tradition form of the game. Board has taken this step to show their commitment to test cricket and has rubbished criticism that it was interested only in the shorter forms of the game due to commercial considerations.
“We agree that due to too much of limited over cricket of late, Indian team is struggling with test matches,” BCCI spokesman Rajiv Shukla said, “It seems that one coach is not proving to be enough for 15 odd players, and hence we have decided that we’d provide them with a personal coach each.”
“And players won’t even need to go to nets; these coaches would come to their homes and teach them,” he added.
Unconfirmed sources say Kapil Sibal could become the personal tutor of Harbhajan Singh, for Sibal can put a spin on virtually anything.
The board announced that it will soon come up with a public advertisement about the vacancies and everyone would be free to apply.
“We are not going to insist on foreign candidates for home tutors,” Mr. Shukla clarified.
An interested candidate would need to indicate the name of player he is interested in and write an SOP (statement of purpose) on why he thinks that cricketer’s performance in test cricket is going down. No player, not even Sachin Tendulkar, has been exempted from this process. BCCI would then shortlist candidates for final interviews based on the SOPs and candidate’s profile.
The salaries of such home tutors are not yet known, but sources indicate that it would vary from player to player.
“Someone tutoring Laxman and Dravid might not need to do much work, so I guess the salaries there would be on the lower side, while someone coaching Abhinav Mukund could get salaries comparable to what Ravi Shastri is getting,” a source told Faking News.
Within hours of announcement by the BCCI, many Indian fans had already started working on their SOPs as they believed they could help the cricketers better than foreign coaches.
Faking News could talk to Siddharth, an aspiring home tutor of Suresh Raina, whose SOP argued that in order to discourage players from being obsessed with T20 cricket, it should be called “limited talent” cricket just like ODIs are termed “limited overs” cricket.
“There is no other way Raina is going to focus on test cricket,” Siddharth said, “He knows he can still play T20 cricket and IPL, and he might think it just needs a little adjustment for him to click in test cricket.”
“No fucking way! It’s not like driving an automatic car and then switching to a car with gearbox that you can learn with a little adjustment. It’s a completely a new ball game and players must realize it!” a livid Siddharth argued why T20 must be called “limited talent” cricket.
Meanwhile Shane Warne is believed to have written a letter to BCCI asking the board to reconsider his earlier suggestion of making his girlfriend Elizabeth Hurley the coach of Indian team.
“He believes Liz Hurley can do a better job than Duncan Fletcher,” a BCCI source confirmed the development.
Board would announce the names of home tutors, or maybe a new coach, at the end of the third test match at Edgbaston.
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